Resorving Conflicts With Empathy And Understanding

Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isn’t a problem; how it’s handled, however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements, and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance or a springboard to a stronger relationship and a happier future.

Conflict is not the problem. In fact, it’s inevitable. The problem is when two people do not know how to resolve differences, because each unresolved conflict of significance becomes a brick, and too many bricks becomes a wall with the two people standing on opposite sides, each feeling frustrated, confused, misunderstood, and wondering if the love between them still exists.

So, in order to build a healthy relationship, both persons must possess skills for resolving conflicts because without these skills, negotiations will fail and the relationship will suffer.

What is Communication? Why is it important in a relationship?

The transmission of information from one location to another is the definition of communication. While everyone can communicate, can we all communicate effectively?

When we communicate effectively, both the sender and receiver feel satisfied. Communication in relationships enables you to express to the other person your feelings and requirements. Effectively communicating not only enables you to get what you need but also strengthens the bond between you and your partner.

Couples can take a variety of actions to enhance communication . Learning about and developing an awareness of the various communication styles is the first step. Communication can be done in four different ways.

Different Ways Of Communication

Passive Communication

Passive communicators frequently refrain from expressing their demands, thoughts, and feelings. They lack self-confidence and establish weak boundaries in their interactions. People using this communication style frequently hold things inside until they ‘explode’ as a result of tension building up. The passive communicator could then feel bad or repent and go back to their old passive behaviour of keeping things to themselves.

Aggressive Communication

A person with an aggressive communication style is more likely to speak louder, interrupt frequently, criticise, blame, and degrade their partner as well as dominate or control them. Such a person prioritises their own wants over those of their partners when communicating.

Passively Aggressive Communication

People who communicate in a passive-aggressive manner make an effort to subtly alert their spouse to their requirements. Although they may seem passive, their priorities are actually their own needs. They frequently experience feelings of helplessness and resentment and express their anger in subdued ways, such as by rolling their eyes, muttering to themselves, employing sarcasm, or downplaying the severity of the situation.

Assertive Communication

People with an assertive communication style can articulately argue for and identify their wants and feelings without demeaning their partner’s needs and feelings, and they appreciate both their own needs and their partner’s needs. They have good self-control, use a calm and clear voice, listen well without interrupting their partner, and respect others’ limits while making sure others respect their own. People who communicate assertively feel better about their sense of control over their lives and are more connected to others.

Relationships we have, our attachment type, how those around us communicate, whether or not they have experienced abuse or trauma, their culture, and many other things affect the communication style we choose to utilise. It’s quite common and not always a terrible thing to have a partner who communicates differently from you. Some communication style combinations, such as when one spouse uses a passive style while the other uses an aggressive style, can be particularly problematic. For instance, the demands of the passive partner will seldom be addressed if both partners use unhealthy communication methods. The needs of both parties must be understood, voiced, appreciated, and addressed in order for a relationship to be considered healthy.

Just as two individuals have different styles of communicating, it is impossible for two people to view all things from the exact same perspective. When individuals differ in their way of perceiving things, a conflict-like situation arises.

Conflict is defined as a clash between individuals arising out of a difference in thought processes, attitudes, understanding, interests, requirements, and even sometimes perceptions.

What Does Healthy Communication Look Like?

Healthy communication is the effective exchange of thoughts and feelings between people. It often involves people taking turns speaking and listening. Ideally, when you engage in healthy communication, the people involved are devoted to the exchange. Both people are aware of how they are acting during the conversation.

For instance, if you are the speaker, you might be making eye contact or using your body language to express that you are present and engaged. If you are the listener, you are open to hearing what the speaker is saying and not cutting them off from finishing a sentence or focusing your attention on what you’re going to say next.

The Importance of Healthy Communication

Healthy communication is crucial for sustaining long-term relationships. One study found that effective communication increased relationship satisfaction for couples. Healthy communication can increase intimacy in relationships as well.

The way you and your partner communicate with each other often determines how you resolve conflicts. If you use healthy methods of communicating, you are likely to find common ground even during a disagreement. This can help strengthen your relationship over time.

Of course, the healthiest way of communicating varies based on the situation. If one person becomes unresponsive to a softer communication style when a serious matter needs to be addressed, you may need to be more direct. For everyday relationship issues, on the other hand, an approach centered on affection, forgiveness, and validation can be helpful.

It’s important to know how to approach healthy communication and how to adjust your style of communication based on what the situation calls for.

Healthy Communication Tips

Active listening.

One strategy for activating participation and positive conflict resolution is active listening through the nonviolent communication methodology, also known as NVC.

Part of this NVC methodology focuses on genuinely hearing and understanding your partner’s perspective without interrupting or trying to argue your point. By actively listening, couples can gain a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and feelings, leading to more effective problem-solving.

Active listening involves several strategies designed to help you truly understand and engage with what the other person is saying. Some of these strategies include:

1. Paying attention: Give your partner your full attention and avoid distractions.
2. Reflecting: Repeat to your partner what you have heard them say to ensure that you understand their message correctly.
3. Paraphrasing: Summarize the main points of what your partner is saying in your own words.
4. Asking questions: Ask open-ended questions to gain more information and clarify what your partner is saying.
5. Showing empathy: Try understanding your partner’s feelings and putting yourself in their shoes.
6. Avoiding interrupting or giving unsolicited advice.

Using these strategies, you can demonstrate to your partner that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and are actively trying to understand their perspective.

Using the “I” statement

Another strategy of the NVC methodology is to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. It means expressing your feelings and experiences rather than placing blame or making accusations. It can lead to a more empathetic and understanding conversation, as your partner is less likely to feel defensive or attacked.

For example, instead of saying, “You always do this,” try saying, “I feel hurt when this happens.” This approach can defuse tension and create a more positive and constructive dialogue.

Another tip for effectively using “I” statements is to be specific and clear about the sensations and emotions you are experiencing. Instead of saying something general like “I feel bad,” try to identify a particular emotion such as “I feel frustrated” or “I feel disappointed.” It helps your partner understand more clearly what you are feeling and how they may have contributed to it.

It is also important to remember that using “I” statements does not mean you should not express your needs and wants; it is a way to communicate with them while being non-blaming and non-judgmental. For example, instead of saying, “You never help me,” try saying, “I need help with this task.” Your partner will be more open and willing to help you because they understand your needs.

In conclusion, using “I” statements is an effective strategy for communicating in a nonviolent and non-judgmental way. It helps to express your feelings and experiences clearly and specifically without placing blame or making accusations. With practice, you can learn to use “I” statements effectively in your interactions, leading to more positive and constructive communication.

Seeing from above

You need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Instead of getting caught up in the details of a specific disagreement, try to understand the underlying needs and values driving your actions and reactions. By understanding these deeper motivations, couples can often find a way to compromise and move forward, especially if they have the communication skills to dive deeper into the conversation while maintaining a sense of calm and positivity.

A good tip for seeing from above is to practice mindfulness and self-awareness. It means tuning into your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations and being aware of how these may impact your interactions with your partner.

By being more in tune with yourself and your reactions, you can better understand and communicate your needs and emotions in a clear and non-judgmental way.

Conflicts in relationships are not always black and white; they are often multiple perspectives and realities that must be considered. By keeping an open mind and a broader point of view and observing the conversation from your partner’s point of view, you can gain a deeper understanding of what could be needed to work together to find a resolution.

Stay Focused

Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. It may feel efficient or necessary to address everything that’s bothering you at once and get it all talked about while you’re already dealing with one conflict.

Unfortunately, this approach often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely. It might make the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another, and finding a solution.

Try to See Their Point of View

In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. This is understandable, but too much of a focus on our own desire to be understood above all else can backfire. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood.

Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don’t “get it,” ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.

Own What’s Yours

Personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.

Manage your emotions

Another tip is to manage your emotions constructively; if you feel overwhelmed by the situation, take a break, pause the conversation and come back to it later when you are more composed. It will help you stay calm, think more clearly, and express yourself better.

How to Communicate When Your Partner Is Upset

It can be hard not to take it personally when your partner won’t share what is making them upset. It may even be tempting to return the favor, keeping to yourself or employing passive-aggressive actions to project your annoyance to the other person.

But responding this way can only worsen relations between the both of you. Instead, you can curate the conversation in a way that fosters their participation. This can be achieved in the following ways.

Let Them Know How You Feel

Asking your partner now and again what’s wrong may not get you any closer to receiving an answer. You need to get to the bottom of things, it’s crucial to set time aside to have a discussion.

To prevent your partner from avoiding the situation, especially if they are non-confrontational in nature,  you should start by building up to an exciting convo they can participate in and gradually show them why talking about the issue at hand is beneficial.

This eases them into the conversation, putting them in a position where they are comfortable and more willing to share whatever may be the issue.

Practice Empathy

When you’re upset about something, whether big or small, it can be difficult to explain your hurt to others. It’s important to keep this in mind when trying to learn what may be the issue with your partner.

When talking with your partner, try to manage your own emotions—even if the thing your partner is worried about seems minor to you. Keeping your emotions in check helps ensure that they are comfortable enough to reveal their current and future feelings to you.

Give Them Time to Reflect

While your partner is sharing the source of their upset, listen actively, asking questions where necessary to make sure you’re on the same page. Depending on the direction the conversation takes, your partner may need some comfort in the form of words of encouragement or a warm embrace, especially if a sensitive matter is being discussed.

In other situations, simply letting them know that they have your support and leaving them to think about their feelings (and how they were handled in this situation) could be the best move to take.

Lastly, keep in mind that relationships take work and effort. Conflicts in relationships are a normal part of any partnership, and disagreements are natural. It’s not a sign of a failing relationship but rather an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. It can be challenging to navigate these differences, but couples can strengthen their bond and build a more fulfilling relationship with the right tools and coaching strategies.

Couples can better understand and express their needs and perspectives by using effective communication techniques such as understanding their polarities, actively listening to each other, and using the “I” statements in sharing how they feel. And if needed, seeking professional help can provide valuable guidance and support